Infants enter the world wrapped tightly in their mother's arms, nurse and bottle-feed their way into chubbiness, and spend their first years under vigilant eyes, protected from real and imagined dangers. An intense desire to protect and defend the helpless child does not end with infancy. It can get out of hand. For many, the tendency to over-care has become an unthinking habit. Parents suffocate their children through worry, unsolicited reminders, unreasonable expectations,

Here is a tension that most leaders never face: How is it possible to care too much and not enough, at the same time? It sounds contradictory. But it's one of the most common failure patterns in leadership, coaching, and parenting. Understanding it might be the most important thing a helper of any kind can do. When Caring Becomes a Problem A popular presentation we've given over the years explores what we call unexamined helpfulness: the kind of caring that unintentionally un

False praise and harsh condemnation follow leaders everywhere, part of it endemic to being in charge, part of it the ancient human need to create heroes and villains. Parents and presidents, entrepreneurs and executives, partners and principals are pulled in every direction, the responsibilities relentless, the roles unforgiving. Leaders must find a way to see past this noise, beyond stronger willpower, beyond added information. The company leaders keep can offer shelte