In last month’s blog, I explored the importance of connection and separation in work and family relationships. Dr. Murray Bowen, an eminent psychiatrist, carried out extensive research on “selfhood,” or what he called an individual’s ability to “differentiate self from others.” His early studies of differentiation were initially based on parents’ ability to emotionally separate from their children to promote responsibility and autonomy. Bowen made it clear that developing

“One very cold night a group of porcupines were huddled together for warmth. However, their spines made proximity uncomfortable, so they moved apart again and got cold. After shuffling repeatedly in and out, they eventually found a distance at which they could still be comfortably warm without getting pricked. This distance they henceforth called decency and good manners.” E. O. Wilson, evolutionary biologist, citing a German fable in Sociobiology: The New Synthesis No