Holding On and Letting Go

Her name is Olivia,

Who in her thirties found herself

Cleaning private homes for a living,

Until she thought there must be a better way.

So this powerhouse of a woman

Started a small janitorial business,

That grew into a commercial success,

With her at the top.

And now here she is

Thirty-two years later

At 63 years old,

On a path to step back, to hand her

Jewel of a business to her two adult children,

Except for one realization that has

Recently overtaken her:

She cannot let go.

Olivia tells me she is terrified

Of the isolation and irrelevance

That might possibly be coming her way,

When she finally backs off,

After a lifetime of drivenness in

Her work-focused world,

With its adrenaline-fueled successes,

And Everest-like challenges.

A world where she was not only a somebody,

But an important and recognized somebody,

Widely respected, even copied, by her peers.

The loss of those accolades –

The unpleasant implications of letting go –

Appear at her mind’s doorstep

Like uninvited guests:

She sees in her life

The absence of close friends,

The lack of well-fed hobbies.

Her husband passed two years ago.

There’s an emptiness, a kind of lostness

About where the rest of her life is going.

Is she unable to let go of her business,

Because she does not have

A vibrant mission outside it?

Olivia’s dilemma mimics, in a way,

The inglorious tandem of life itself:

Holding on and letting go,

Holding on and letting go.

Letting go beckons us all the time –

Dead friendships, poor-fit jobs,

Unreasonable expectations,

Beliefs that no longer serve.

Parents and pets pass away.

Adult children leave home.

I remember snipping the cord of my

Newborn second child,

Fresh out of the dark womb

And into the world of light and air,

With a prayer on my lips:

“Set him free!”

Parenting followed.

Years of feeding, clothing, shaping,

Transporting, supporting,

Holding on.

Then at junctures that vary

From person to person,

Differentiation accelerates.

Physical distance, thinking for self,

Time to let go.  Again.

What life do parents have beyond their children?

What life do leaders have beyond their work?

Letting go, we can agree,

Happens normally and routinely,

A Law of life.

We make it difficult,

With unpreparedness and hubris:

 “I don’t want to think about it.”

“I deserve it,” “I earned it.” 

We fall from the tree of familiarity,

With no branches to break the fall,

Nowhere to land.

Here we are in midair,

Breathing heavy, unreflective, emotionally flooded.

The letting go process

Eases with self-definition:

What do I want?

Do I need to save the world every day,

Or can I merely swoop in for special missions?

Who do I want in my circle of support?

How do I build that circle?

What would I love to learn more about?

Who needs what I still have to give, outside of work?

What responsibilities will I declare null and void?

How do I de-role?

What do I want to hold onto?

What do I want to let go of?

Fortunate you, who gets to

Take this on,

Do the work of

Defining self,

Since only you really know

How to let go

From the inside out.